I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
