She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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