i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
