Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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