have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
