Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
