i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
