the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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