but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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