tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
