is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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