You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
