sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
