Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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