she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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