It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
