oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
