Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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