I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
