Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
