It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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