Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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