Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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