I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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