wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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