We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
