Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
