tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
