So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
