Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
