just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
