if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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