just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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