Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
