Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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