What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
