I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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