just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
