Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
