Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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