piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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