Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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