I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
