The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
