she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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