I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
