listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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