why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
