if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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