I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
