I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
