This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
