Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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