I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
