Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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