On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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