I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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