I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
