My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
