I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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