I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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