I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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