I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
