so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
