cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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