dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
